Post by Heightism Report on Apr 26, 2017 0:47:08 GMT
This is from a thread on r/short from two years ago. The topic was what you would do if you were tall for a day. Geoff responded with a hilarious satire that was obviously exaggerated, but the mentality behind it hit that of a smug tall man who believes he is superior spot-on. It also mocked women's insatiable desire for tall men, and as a bonus, mocked r/tall for being a giddy circle jerk of pompousness and triviality. This post not only deserves a gold star on its merits, but because of the storm of dissent that it caused. It was linked to numerous subreddits and still gets attention around Reddit from time-to-time. In every thread about the post, legions of white knights, talls, and other people come to discuss how misogynistic, rape cultureish, and disrespectful the thread was, and how it made him sound insecure, hateful, and every other angry short male stereotype. You see, when we're emasculated, stereotyped, mocked, and dismissed, it's "just a joke" and no one bats an eyelash, but when we decide to do something humorous, we're among the worst-of-the-worst that society has to offer. Furthermore, the reaction to this thread is a master class on how tall men can not only get away with numerous unsavory behaviors, but when someone mocks the fact that this is the case, everyone else from numerous other groups circle the wagons to attack the person making the critique. Geoff did a really stellar job of writing this, and has most definitely earned a spot here in The Hall of Distinction
np.reddit.com/r/short/comments/2nvs6w/rshort_you_are_tall_for_one_day_what_do_you_do/cmhgeup/
So, everyone is making jokes (very funny jokes) and so I think I'll answer seriously. Suppose that I wake up at 6:00am and I'm suddenly 6'4" and I somehow know I'll be back to normal height again in 24 hours. Here is my day.
6:00am: I wake up and am shocked to see that I'm tall. I quickly realize that none of my regular clothes fit.
6:10am: Call in sick for work. Notice that I have a "one-size-fits all" heavy bathrobe. Put on the bathrobe and grab my keys.
6:40am: Pull up at "Target" or "Wal-Mart" or whatever large 24 hour clothing store I can find. Buy jeans and a black t-shirt. 37" inseam? 38"? Does that sound right for a 6'4" guy /r/tall? I have no idea. Change out of my bathrobe and into my new clothes in the bathroom of Target/Wal-Mart.
7:15am: Go to a restaurant for breakfast. Act normally and see if I am treated differently by others. Become sad when I realize that I'm treated with more respect than I would have predicted.
8:00am: Leave the restaurant, full and contented. Left a 20% tip to the waitress who flirted with me out of the blue.
8:45am: Arrive downtown. Walk Strut around town for a couple of hours, like or like. "Street Harass" women. Most of them don't seem to mind the harassment.
10:45am: Walk past a public park where some guys are playing basketball. Walk over to them and am like "Yo! I got down." They pass me the ball and I take it to the hoop, like. I yell "Boom Shaka-Laka!". Because I'm tall, even my lame comments are taken as cool. High fives all around. My team wins the game. Dudes seem pretty cool and we trade contact information for next time (but I know I won't see them again).
11:45am: Lunchtime. I go to a deli and order a sandwich and a beer. Street Harass some more women and get a few phone numbers. No intention of calling them. Just an ego boost. Go to the bathroom of the Deli and take a picture of myself in the mirror with my head cut off because I'm too tall. Post it to /r/tall with the title "DAE bathroom selfie?" or "Is this a restroom for ants?" 130 karma. Get PM from two different "tallettes" - want to know if I live close by. I reply to one of them who lives in the same city.
12:30pm: Pull up to tall redditors house using the directions she PM'd me with. Ring the doorbell and meet her. She is so excited to see that I'm as tall as I claim. Go upstairs and fuck her brains out. After we finish, she says that I lasted longer than any tall man that she's ever fucked.
12:34pm: I leave the house, satisfied, and drive to my next location.
1:00pm: I go to the movies, find the shortest guy I can find, and sit directly in front of him. Because fuck him.
The movie itself was pretty good. It was about a lame short guy who suddenly became tall; which made him really awesome and heroic and loved by everyone. I think it was called "Captain America".
3:00pm: Having finished the movie, I drive back downtown. More street harassment. More phone numbers. Then, I see Officer Darren Wilson walking around. I figure that he must have left Missouri and came here to relax and avoid some of the media spot light. I walk up to him and just punch him in the jaw. He falls to the floor, bleeding from the mouth. No one says shit, because there's this 6'4" dude standing in the street and so the guy who got hit must have deserved it. Turns out, it wasn't Officer Wilson. I suddenly remember that Officer Wilson was also 6'4" and this guy who I just hit was probably 5'8". I apologize and help him up; "hey, sorry dude...I thought you were someone else". He says "No, it's my fault".
4:10pm: After walking away from the confrontation, an attractive lady jogs up to me and says "I saw you when you hit that guy; why did you do that?" I explained that I thought he was someone else, but I didn't go into any details. After some back and forth, I realize that she's flirting and so I invite her to diner. She accepts.
4:30pm: Diner time. We walk down the street to a nice steakhouse. You're suppose to wear a blazer but I'm in jeans and a t-shirt. Luckily, the restaurant keeps some extra navy blazers in the back for just such an occasion. I borrow one of theirs (which barely fits...it's kind of snug) and eat an $80 steak with a $20 glass of wine. My date, Katelyn, eats a small salad and drinks a glass of water (it's the only way she can keep that dynamite figure) - $30. We have a long conversation about politics and the state of Television today. She runs her fingers through her hair often and touches my arms and laughs at my jokes. Part of me is sad to see what comes so effortlessly to "the other half". After the meal, I tell her that I left my wallet at home (a lie). She gladly reaches into her purse and pays for our meal. She asks if I want to come home with her, but I decline and take her number instead. Knowing I'll never call.
6:00pm: I go back home to take a shower and freshen up for the night out.
6:30pm: I arrive at home and get naked. Before I start the shower, I take a picture of myself standing next to the shower head which is just at my chin level. I post the picture to /r/tall under the heading "what is this, a shower for ants?" 300 karma.
6:45pm: I finish my shower and realize that I maybe should have purchased a change of clothes so I wouldn't have to wear the same T-shirt and jeans I've worn all day. Then I remember that I'm tall and so it won't matter. I put my clothes back on and spray some Axe body spray on my shirt. Grab my keys and head out the door.
Then I think for a second and pulled out my iphone. I find Katelyn's number and invite her out clubbing with me. She tells me where to pick her up. (I need someone to buy my drinks)
8:00pm: Katelyn and I pull up at "Club Swank". Have the valet take my car. See a chubby short dude in line. I grab Katelyn by the hand and we cut the line right in front of him. Fuck that guy. Katelyn giggles "Tee-Hee, you're so bad".
8:10pm: Bouncer let's us in. No cover charge. Apparently, it's "tall men's night" and all ladies and tall men get in free until 11pm. I take Katelyn to the dance floor and we start grinding.
9:00pm: I've been getting Katelyn to buy all of our drinks. Meanwhile, I pretty much talk to any cute girls that I want...even if they are with other guys. So long as those guys are smaller than me. Only if they're smaller.
9:30pm: Some meat-head 5'4" manlet tried to step to me because I stuck my finger in his girl when he wasn't looking. Shit, these short dudes are so sensitive. This Napoleon Complex dude is obviously looking for trouble and now he's found it. I walk up to him and tower over him. Just look down on him from over my nose. I say "what you gonna do?".
Suddenly, he punches me hard in the gut. I double over in pain and hit the floor. I tried not to cry, but it was too painful. The beast was about to straddle me, but I begged him to let me be. Then I crawled away to the men's restroom. Luckily Katelyn didn't see. She was buying us another round of drinks.
10:00pm: I pull out my cell phone and log onto reddit from the bathroom. Go to /r/tall and make a post entitled "just beat up some napoleon complex asshole at the club". 600 karma.
11:00pm: We leave the club. Katelyn drives me to her place because I'm too drunk to drive.
11:30pm: We arrive at Katelyn's house and she leads me upstairs to her bedroom.
11:45pm: We start having sex.
11:47pm: We finish having sex. Katelyn smiles and tells me that I lasted longer than any tall man she's ever been with.
12:00am: Katelyn goes downstairs to make me a sandwich. I fall asleep.
6:15am: Shit! I overslept. I'm in the bed next to Katelyn and realize that I'm like four inches shorter than her. I slip out of bed, careful not to wake her. None of my clothes fit. I grab my keys and run out of the door naked.
7:30am: I was able to use my car's GPS to get back home. I take a shower and get dressed for work.
7:50am: Before leaving the house, I log onto reddit and go to /r/short. I make a post entitled "The sociological implications of short stature as an empowerment tool in a post-heightism society."
np.reddit.com/r/short/comments/2nvs6w/rshort_you_are_tall_for_one_day_what_do_you_do/cmhgeup/
So, everyone is making jokes (very funny jokes) and so I think I'll answer seriously. Suppose that I wake up at 6:00am and I'm suddenly 6'4" and I somehow know I'll be back to normal height again in 24 hours. Here is my day.
6:00am: I wake up and am shocked to see that I'm tall. I quickly realize that none of my regular clothes fit.
6:10am: Call in sick for work. Notice that I have a "one-size-fits all" heavy bathrobe. Put on the bathrobe and grab my keys.
6:40am: Pull up at "Target" or "Wal-Mart" or whatever large 24 hour clothing store I can find. Buy jeans and a black t-shirt. 37" inseam? 38"? Does that sound right for a 6'4" guy /r/tall? I have no idea. Change out of my bathrobe and into my new clothes in the bathroom of Target/Wal-Mart.
7:15am: Go to a restaurant for breakfast. Act normally and see if I am treated differently by others. Become sad when I realize that I'm treated with more respect than I would have predicted.
8:00am: Leave the restaurant, full and contented. Left a 20% tip to the waitress who flirted with me out of the blue.
8:45am: Arrive downtown. Walk Strut around town for a couple of hours, like or like. "Street Harass" women. Most of them don't seem to mind the harassment.
10:45am: Walk past a public park where some guys are playing basketball. Walk over to them and am like "Yo! I got down." They pass me the ball and I take it to the hoop, like. I yell "Boom Shaka-Laka!". Because I'm tall, even my lame comments are taken as cool. High fives all around. My team wins the game. Dudes seem pretty cool and we trade contact information for next time (but I know I won't see them again).
11:45am: Lunchtime. I go to a deli and order a sandwich and a beer. Street Harass some more women and get a few phone numbers. No intention of calling them. Just an ego boost. Go to the bathroom of the Deli and take a picture of myself in the mirror with my head cut off because I'm too tall. Post it to /r/tall with the title "DAE bathroom selfie?" or "Is this a restroom for ants?" 130 karma. Get PM from two different "tallettes" - want to know if I live close by. I reply to one of them who lives in the same city.
12:30pm: Pull up to tall redditors house using the directions she PM'd me with. Ring the doorbell and meet her. She is so excited to see that I'm as tall as I claim. Go upstairs and fuck her brains out. After we finish, she says that I lasted longer than any tall man that she's ever fucked.
12:34pm: I leave the house, satisfied, and drive to my next location.
1:00pm: I go to the movies, find the shortest guy I can find, and sit directly in front of him. Because fuck him.
The movie itself was pretty good. It was about a lame short guy who suddenly became tall; which made him really awesome and heroic and loved by everyone. I think it was called "Captain America".
3:00pm: Having finished the movie, I drive back downtown. More street harassment. More phone numbers. Then, I see Officer Darren Wilson walking around. I figure that he must have left Missouri and came here to relax and avoid some of the media spot light. I walk up to him and just punch him in the jaw. He falls to the floor, bleeding from the mouth. No one says shit, because there's this 6'4" dude standing in the street and so the guy who got hit must have deserved it. Turns out, it wasn't Officer Wilson. I suddenly remember that Officer Wilson was also 6'4" and this guy who I just hit was probably 5'8". I apologize and help him up; "hey, sorry dude...I thought you were someone else". He says "No, it's my fault".
4:10pm: After walking away from the confrontation, an attractive lady jogs up to me and says "I saw you when you hit that guy; why did you do that?" I explained that I thought he was someone else, but I didn't go into any details. After some back and forth, I realize that she's flirting and so I invite her to diner. She accepts.
4:30pm: Diner time. We walk down the street to a nice steakhouse. You're suppose to wear a blazer but I'm in jeans and a t-shirt. Luckily, the restaurant keeps some extra navy blazers in the back for just such an occasion. I borrow one of theirs (which barely fits...it's kind of snug) and eat an $80 steak with a $20 glass of wine. My date, Katelyn, eats a small salad and drinks a glass of water (it's the only way she can keep that dynamite figure) - $30. We have a long conversation about politics and the state of Television today. She runs her fingers through her hair often and touches my arms and laughs at my jokes. Part of me is sad to see what comes so effortlessly to "the other half". After the meal, I tell her that I left my wallet at home (a lie). She gladly reaches into her purse and pays for our meal. She asks if I want to come home with her, but I decline and take her number instead. Knowing I'll never call.
6:00pm: I go back home to take a shower and freshen up for the night out.
6:30pm: I arrive at home and get naked. Before I start the shower, I take a picture of myself standing next to the shower head which is just at my chin level. I post the picture to /r/tall under the heading "what is this, a shower for ants?" 300 karma.
6:45pm: I finish my shower and realize that I maybe should have purchased a change of clothes so I wouldn't have to wear the same T-shirt and jeans I've worn all day. Then I remember that I'm tall and so it won't matter. I put my clothes back on and spray some Axe body spray on my shirt. Grab my keys and head out the door.
Then I think for a second and pulled out my iphone. I find Katelyn's number and invite her out clubbing with me. She tells me where to pick her up. (I need someone to buy my drinks)
8:00pm: Katelyn and I pull up at "Club Swank". Have the valet take my car. See a chubby short dude in line. I grab Katelyn by the hand and we cut the line right in front of him. Fuck that guy. Katelyn giggles "Tee-Hee, you're so bad".
8:10pm: Bouncer let's us in. No cover charge. Apparently, it's "tall men's night" and all ladies and tall men get in free until 11pm. I take Katelyn to the dance floor and we start grinding.
9:00pm: I've been getting Katelyn to buy all of our drinks. Meanwhile, I pretty much talk to any cute girls that I want...even if they are with other guys. So long as those guys are smaller than me. Only if they're smaller.
9:30pm: Some meat-head 5'4" manlet tried to step to me because I stuck my finger in his girl when he wasn't looking. Shit, these short dudes are so sensitive. This Napoleon Complex dude is obviously looking for trouble and now he's found it. I walk up to him and tower over him. Just look down on him from over my nose. I say "what you gonna do?".
Suddenly, he punches me hard in the gut. I double over in pain and hit the floor. I tried not to cry, but it was too painful. The beast was about to straddle me, but I begged him to let me be. Then I crawled away to the men's restroom. Luckily Katelyn didn't see. She was buying us another round of drinks.
10:00pm: I pull out my cell phone and log onto reddit from the bathroom. Go to /r/tall and make a post entitled "just beat up some napoleon complex asshole at the club". 600 karma.
11:00pm: We leave the club. Katelyn drives me to her place because I'm too drunk to drive.
11:30pm: We arrive at Katelyn's house and she leads me upstairs to her bedroom.
11:45pm: We start having sex.
11:47pm: We finish having sex. Katelyn smiles and tells me that I lasted longer than any tall man she's ever been with.
12:00am: Katelyn goes downstairs to make me a sandwich. I fall asleep.
6:15am: Shit! I overslept. I'm in the bed next to Katelyn and realize that I'm like four inches shorter than her. I slip out of bed, careful not to wake her. None of my clothes fit. I grab my keys and run out of the door naked.
7:30am: I was able to use my car's GPS to get back home. I take a shower and get dressed for work.
7:50am: Before leaving the house, I log onto reddit and go to /r/short. I make a post entitled "The sociological implications of short stature as an empowerment tool in a post-heightism society."
