I'm a bit new to the subject of heightism so forgive me if I'm not well versed in it yet.
I was not familiar with heightism until a year ago when my then wife, now ex-wife, became heightist. I'm 5'10" and my ex-wife is 5'8". Height was never an issue until last year when I found out she cheated on me with a tall and huge man who was 6'5". Height didn't come up until I found out and confronted her. She berated me for being 5'10" and being "short". This ended up being the end of our marriage, and we got divorced.
We have kids so I still have to deal with her. What I now understand to be her heightism is still there. I don't understand what had changed in her, but doing some research into heightism, I have come to the conclusion that my ex-wife got influenced by increasing heightism overall plus her sister becoming more heightist.
Was I just really unlucky or am I right about increasing heightism everywhere?
Post by supportfortheshort on May 5, 2020 1:17:18 GMT
Welcome to this messageboard! I'm not the Admin. but I am a person who's been involved in this heightism issue for close to two decades now. I don't know how old you are but looking back on girls I dated many years ago, (I call them girls because they were girls in their 20's) I don't think that they would be interested in me today if I met them today, and we were both free so-to-speak. I think that they would view me differently than they did then. There was a website that was on the Internet for 19 years. That website was shortsupport.org. It was where I wrote my original essay in 2002 entitled: 'Heightism: The Last Bastion of Discrimination'. As a matter of fact you can still see web pages from that website at the web archive - archive.org/web/web.php. There was a dating analyzer which allowed the user to access several hundred thousand dating profiles of women of all ages, ethnic backgrounds and races. I did my own little 'study' of their preferences (this was about 15 years ago) and I found that younger women were more likely to be willing to date short men than older women. Stated more accurately, their height requirements were lower than older women's height requirements. This was true across racial lines. The women who had the highest height requirements were athletic Black women. But as the ages increased I found with my little study that women in their 40's and 50's had the highest height requirements of all age groups. This was around 2005. You can come to your own conclusions about this, but my conclusion was that as women get older they're more concerned with $ and security, and when they're younger, they're more willing to experiment. I concluded that as they get older, they realize more and more that taller or tall men make more money, get more respect, and are generally more successful than shorter or short men. And they don't care that the reasons for this may be societal discrimination against short men. As a matter of fact they probably for the most part don't even consider the role of discrimination in this. They're individualistically concerned with their own life and finances. And many or most of them are probably not even aware of their own bias against short or shorter men. That being said, let me get to your situation.
You're a man of 5'10" in height. That is not short in the strict sense of the word. It's average height. However, heightism in the last 10 or 15 years has increased. It has come more and more out into the open. And because of the effect of the media, and even the effect of the bias of the POTUS against the short statured, heightism has gone more and more mainstream. And even men in the average-height range are now beginning to feel its effects. You have now experienced heightism from a former wife. I salute your candor in recounting this. Situations like yours probably will be occurring more and more in the future. You mentioned your former wife's sister. I would venture to say that she was probably lambasting you to your wife long before you even realized it, and the accumulated attitude from your former wife's sister, (and probably other relatives) got your wife to the point where she viewed you as "less than a man". Now, don't misunderstand me, her attitude, her sister's attitude, and whoever else's attitude doesn't make you less than a man. She just may be jumping on the heightism bandwagon like more and more women (and men too - with the media's help) are. I'm sure there are more things going on here too, than meets the eye. But one thing that you may begin to realize, is that heightism is a totally acceptable and celebrated prejudice. And it is becoming more and more so as we speak. We're lucky for your former wife's candor in admitting it. I hope that when you divorced you told your lawyer about her attitude towards your height and perhaps it helped you in your divorce proceedings.
Post by Heightism Report on May 5, 2020 21:48:52 GMT
I'd like to welcome you to the board and thank you for sharing your story with us. I'd also like to reiterate the words of my colleague, supportfortheshort, regarding how men of average-height like yourself are starting to feel the ripple effect from heightism's intensification during the past several years. Just know that the shorter a man is, the worse the effects will be, and this form of discrimination goes much deeper than romantic relationships, especially for those who are more than a few inches below average-height. I'd also like to echo supportfortheshort in stating that women will often influence one another to find a taller man. It is not uncommon for female social groups to bond over the notion of rejecting males that they see as low status, and this certainly includes short men. I wouldn't be surprised if your ex's sister, in addition to her friends had conversations about how she "deserved" a taller man. There are also endless accounts where womens' parents express extreme dissatisfaction with their daughters dating a man who "isn't tall enough."
In modern culture, women are told that they "deserve it all, and "it all" includes they are entitled to a man who meets all of the requirements(even the superficial ones) that check boxes on their Prince Charming checklists. They see men who don't check of all the boxes as inferior to themselves, and those men are considered worthy of being thrown away like yesterday's garbage. This is the reason your ex-wife feels vindicated for her infidelity. Shortness in males is so despised by our society, and the female "deserve it all" mentality is so indoctrinated that your ex seriously does see YOU as at-fault for HER infidelity. Of course, she has caused great pain to not only you, but your children, and at-least your family. This type of collateral damage doesn't get discussed often enough in these discussions. For this very reason, heightism needs to be eradicated in society. When you have a group(tall men) who are literally praised, promoted without merit, believed to hold leadership potential based on their height alone, tallness is considered a must to meet "Prince Charming" expectations, tall men get paid more, and they hold the monopoly on the narrative of what "real men" are supposed to be, while on the other hand, short men receive the opposite, we have a society where tall men are put in power who have lackluster abilities, short men who do have abilities are suppressed, and we have women who reinforce this whole narrative in addition to being applauded for their bigotry against short men. This narrative damages society as a whole because height is valued more so than merit in many different settings.
Another thing that needs to be mentioned is that women don't necessarily see men's height in relation to their own height, they judge men's height in-relation to the height of other males. In almost 100% of the cases where women do this, at-least some of the attraction is based on taller males being awarded prestige based on their height alone. If you look at some of the factors that make-up the dating preferences of women(confidence, power, ability to own a room, respect among peers, career success) you'll notice that they all are positive stereotypes that tall men are labeled with. If you look at the opposite of these characteristics(insecurity, weakness, not being noticed in a group, undeserving of respect, too unstable to hold positions of power) you'll see that these are all negative labels that are slapped on short men before they even attempt to speak. So, while attraction for tall men alone is not necessarily heightism, in almost 100% of cases, women who worship the ground tall men walk on are going to have at-least some prejudicial beliefs tied-in with their physical requirements.
To look at this a different way, imagine if men loudly voiced physical preferences that made the overwhelming majority of women "unsuitable" dating partners. We'd be called the scum of the Earth, we'd be lambasted for "judging women solely on their bodies," and we'd be called potential rapists for believing that we were entitled to certain subsets of women. We'd be told to seek counseling immediately, and we'd be attacked by other men. However, when women discard a short man for any reason, it's treated as empowerment and the woman is believed to "deserve the best in life," and "the best in life" is never ending-up with a man who is merely an inch shorter than the woman requires. Notice I said "requires," not "prefers." Women will defend their insatiable desire for tall men as a "preference," but this particular preference rarely is one that can be compromised on, thus, it's really a requirement. They just use the word "preference" to make themselves seem more civilized than they actually are. It's a messed-up situation, and I hate that you had to go through what you did, but at-least you've found a group of men who know exactly what you're going through, and we know exactly why it occurred.
Once again, welcome to the forum, and please participate in the discussions.