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Post by Deleted on Oct 17, 2019 18:23:57 GMT
I feel like I could just be reading into it, but I've picked up this subtle nuance where taller people (especially men) call me "bud" or "buddy". It sounds like an appropriate way to address a teenager and not a grown man, so this made me come to the conclusion that being called bud or buddy is a nice way for taller men to give cues that they view you as a teenager/not fully grown. Then again I don't know, I could be looking too much into this. It's simply an observation I've made that has happened with only taller men being the culprits.
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Post by Heightism Report on Oct 18, 2019 21:55:07 GMT
You're not incorrect in pointing-out that pet names such as "bud" and "buddy" can be used as code to convey a lack of respect. I remember this topic came-up on r/short way back in the day, and of course, the regular ilk dismissed this idea as nonsense, but when you peel back the nuances of how words like these are used, they certainly can indicate prejudicial notions.
First, to be completely fair, words such as bud and buddy are common vernacular and are often used without any malice, so it would be disingenuous to act as though every instance of being labeled with these words is an example of heightism. However, the fact that us short guys are used to being condescended to, we can pick-up certain voice tones, mannerisms, and situations in which these words are used in a manner that serves to indicate that we are childlike.
All you have to do to understand the different ways these words are used is to imagine a few different scenarios. In the first, imagine a guy sitting at a bar with an almost-empty beer, and the bartender sees that the beer is almost empty then says "Hey buddy, need another one?" In this instance, the word "buddy" is just a cordial greeting from one man to another. If two guys are in a convenience store, and one guy is buying a lottery ticket, and the other says "You going to win big tonight?" and the other guy answers "Yeah, buddy. I'm going to tell my job and my wife to kiss to my ass, but not necessarily in that order," in that scenario, "buddy" is just one guy conferring excitement in an informal manner, and no malice can be inferred.
Now, in another scenario, imagine a young boy playing too close to the road, and his mother saying "Come back toward the house! You have to be careful playing outside because I don't want anything to happen to you, buddy." In this scenario, there is an air of concern and pity toward the boy because he isn't mature enough to understand the ramifications to his actions, thus, a mature adult has to intervene to keep him from doing something ridiculous. This instance reflects the spirit of comments where short men are labeled "buddy" in a weaponized manner.
To hammer the point home, I have an example from my childhood of this exact thing happening. I haven't thought of this occurrence in quite some time, but it always stuck with me and is perfect for the purposes of this conversation.
When I was around 14 years old or so, I was spending the day at a park that was located on a lake with a boat ramp. A boat pulled-up to the ramp with two older boys from my high school aboard. The larger of the two boys backed the truck into the water, and the short guy hooks the trailer cable up to the boat, stands on the trailer, and starts to winch the boat up onto the trailer. At this point, the taller guy gets out of the truck, walks over to where the short guy is, puts his hand on the short guy's shoulder and with extreme concern, he says:
"Be really careful Johnny, cranking the boat up onto the trailer can be really dangerous, and I don't want you to do anything that would cause you to get hurt, Buddy."
Now, Johnny wasn't doing anything that indicated he was having problems with the boat, he wasn't struggling in any way, and he wasn't in danger of hurting himself. Even though this was long before I had awakened to the intricacies of heightism, I could tell something was really strange about that interaction. I found it odd that there were two boys who were the same age, and one of them was talking to the other like he was an elementary school kid. These guys were both football players at my high school, so you'd think that they'd have a camaraderie with another, but in this instance, it almost sounded like the larger of the two was babysitting the smaller kid. The fact that this kid's name was "John," but people insisted on calling him Johnny is just more evidence of the entire premise of this thread as well.
So, yes, words that are completely harmless when they are used to speak to talls can be completely weaponized when spoken to a short man. I guarantee you that if you took two random guys, and one of them was built like Shaquille O'neal and the other was just a regular short guy, and you had them walk into a few hundred different stores, the employees would call the short guy "buddy" with much higher frequency than they would the Shaq look-alike; Who would more often be referred to as "sir." I know that I'm often referred to as "buddy" and similar words, and sometimes, you can just tell that something is off by the tone with which it is said, the circumstances in which it is used don't seem appropriate for that level of informality, or the judgmental smirk that the person wears while addressing you is a tell-tale sign that they're indicating some level of pity and disrespect. Even short guys who aren't "all there" so to speak, such as Angry Bagel Guy pick-up on these microaggressions because he spoke-of the giggles and snide looks people give him.
You've pointed-out a definite discrepancy that occurs where seemingly innocent words are weaponized against short men, and of course, if you speak of this in mixed company, they'll gaslight you and act like you're in the wrong for calling-out this discriminatory behavior, but I've seen this happen to myself and others time-and-time again. You're definitely onto something by calling-out this behavior, so keep-up the good work.
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